Where Did I Put My Instruction Book?

Ahhh…back after a lovely little vacation…and back to my 1/3 life crisis. Here is the poop. I’m not sure what to do with the Organic Needle…or anything else for that matter. I had/have some ideas for bags that I really liked…still like. Cool little ways to create something meaningful and sustainable. Started blogging about it and various other stuff floating about in my head… and a year and a half later…here I am. Now what?

I love designing new bags and bringing them from brain…to paper…to organic cloth. Seeing something wasteful and figuring out how to make it sustainable through a reusable item gives me goose bumps…little nerdy goose bumps. It feels a little like birthing something…only with a lot fewer F bombs…okay… slightly fewer F bombs. The fact that other people like them too has been really cool.

And I love writing. It clears my little head…organizes my thoughts witch tend to be like popcorn kernels coming out of an air popper if left unattended. Plus…I love connecting with other people who have similar interests if not zip codes. So the blog part of Organic Needle has really been a terrific added bonus…for me…maybe not so much for the poor people who read me.

But…here is the major poop in the road. In order for Organic Needle to become the next THING…I would need to hire sewers, contract out to a small scale manufacturer, advertise, travel, become incorporated…etc. etc. etc. And that part brings me no joy. Not an ounce. And frankly…I am a tad bit of a control freak..just a smidge… and the bigger a business gets…the less control you really have over the end product. So where do I go from here? You might say…well Needle …why not just leave it as it is? I could. But deep down in my little soul…I am a bit of a Lisa Simpson. I function better with a plan…a very detailed…moving forward…very type A plan. The idea of having a business that isn’t on a path to the next stage bothers me. This indecision is combined with having to decide on a pile of other paths surrounding me. Will I go back to PS teaching? Move on to college level teaching? Finish my PHD? Move into real estate…(don’t ask)? Freelance? Become a professional speed bump? I still have 2 more years home with my little guy…so I have time…time to freak myself out about having no plan. And…yes…I am grateful to have the problem of too many enjoyable options in my future…I am too well aware of what a gift of a problem it is. But the not knowing what my next step and the 20 after that are bugs the bajeebies out of me and makes me restless…which makes me not enjoy the present as much as I should. And I am all about me enjoying me. So I either need some serious Valium, a personality transplant, or to do some soul searching and figure out what exactly I plan to do…which path to ungracefully charge down.

So…if I am not here as often as I should be I am just off looking for my map. Or I have accidentally sewn myself into something and you should be calling for help.

2 Responses to “Where Did I Put My Instruction Book?”

  1. Added by Heather @ SGF on August 30th, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    This doesn’t help you plan, but a wise friend once told me to “relax. The universe has a way of taking care of us.” Ever since she first said that to me, I let life take me where it will. The ride is so much more enjoyable when you let opportunity grab you instead of trying to force them to happen. And they have happened without much effort on my part (and they are more beautiful than any plan I originally may have had). And lest you think I’ve always been relaxed and easy-going, I’ve spend most of my life as a type-A perfectionist. I promise. There is life on the other side 🙂

  2. Added by Allie on August 30th, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    I am so about having a long term plan – I’m not a down to the minute planner, but I walked into my adviser’s office freshman year expecting to plan my next four years of coursework (and if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have dropped out after two years). I need a plan, because in the absence of one, my head keeps trying to formulate one. My friend Jules gave me some great advice the other day – she told me to set a date for the day to make my next big decision. Not a deadline for the decision, but a date. On October 3, I will decide what I’m going to do about X. I’m giving it a try. Then every time I feel like I should be planning something, I’ll say – no, it’s not my day to decide. Maybe you can give yourself a bigger lead time, but maybe setting a date to make a decision will help.

Leave a Reply